Text: Matthew 18: 21-35 

One of the most difficult areas of spiritual life is the need to forgive other persons their offenses against us. The heart seems unusually resistant to the movement of the Holy Spirit when He leads us to forgive as God has commanded. It is not uncommon to see believers who have matured greatly in their walk with the Lord, yet find it difficult to forgive those have caused them pain in one way or the other - especially when the pain is emotional in nature. Yet, the word of God is clear on the matter and God has not made provisions for exemptions. This therefore calls for the serious attention of every genuine believer to find the grace to overcome the core issue necessitating forgiveness which is offenses.

 

Nature and Source of Forgiveness

The words translated as forgiveness variously mean "to put away", "to forgive sins", "to put aside", to pass over", "to take no notice again", "to ignore", etc. All these lead us to begin to appreciate the central characteristic of forgiveness, that is, the putting away of offenses. Forgiveness is purely spiritual and God is the source of forgiveness as He is wholly spirit. Forgiveness is therefore one of the divine virtues that can be communicated to human beings. It is not a natural virtue of fallen man. Indeed, forgiveness is naturally seen as weakness. It is true a "big-hearted" person may appear to overlook offences in the natural, such situations are never instances of real forgiveness but rather an arrogant waiving of offences that are beneath his level of pride. True forgiveness is possible only with those who have been regenerated in the spirit. Even then, it does not come automatically but only to the extent of consecration - the salvation of the soul, else, the flesh will keep on getting in the way. 

Revelation of Forgiveness

Under the Old Covenant, forgiveness was not fully revealed as a spiritual virtue. This was partly because of the physical nature of the expression of the righteousness of the Old Covenant believers (Deuteronomy 23:, Ezra 9:12, etc) 

With the coming of Christ, the full counsel of God concerning forgiveness was revealed (Matthew 5: 43-48) It is seen that true Christians indeed have the ability to forgive the sins of those who sin against them, and the offenses will be wiped away; but if for any reason, they deny the offenders the benefit of this virtue, then the offense stays. (John 20: 23). As true forgiveness became possible, so also came the mind of God as to the exercise of the grace. God actually made it a commandment for His children to forgive and any disobedience is met with dire consequences. (Matthew 6: 12; 18:35; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13) 

Process of Forgiveness

The first thing we have to bear in mind is that the coming of offence is immediately associated with deep spiritual consequences: 
* The offender is cursed (Luke 17: 1-2);
* The offended party is wounded and ensnared with the offence entering his heart;
* Their inter-personal relationship is broken due to the offence and mistrust. Alienation is automatic! 

How do we go about this?

Proper dealing with offenses is a two-way affair involving both the offender and the offended.
(a) Repentance by the offender (Matthew 18:29; Luke 17: 3; 1 John 1: 9)
(b) Putting away by the offended. Put away the offense from your heart. The offended party must also avoid any lingering mistrust or alienation. 

However, these two aspects do not have to be implemented simultaneously or even conditionally. It is good for us to repent promptly and unreservedly whenever we have caused an offense to people regardless of whether we believe that our repentance (apologies, restitution, etc.) will be accepted or not. Similarly, we must be quick to forgive and put away every form of offense from our heart regardless of whether the offender has deemed it fit to repent or not. Indeed, most offenders will not repent! Our own duty is to obey God and ensure that whatever the circumstances, we remain without offense. (Matthew 5:44, 13: 41, Philippians 1:10) 

Also, in most cases, the unrepentant offender will be an unbeliever who the Bible describes as "dogs" (as opposed to "sheep"). But sometimes, they are Christian brethren! Let us note a few points in our implementation of the forgiveness process. 

FOR UNBELIEVERS 

In addition to removal of the offense from our heart, we should take heed to extend the benefits of the life of Christ that dwells inside of us to them. This is to love them, bless them and pray for them. (Matthew 5:38). Of course, our prayer, as led by the Spirit, should be for their eternal good and not mere temporal benefits. Their spiritual enlightenment and salvation should be our petition on their behalf to God. We do not forget that even dogs can have crumbs from the master's table. 

Pitfalls to avoid: 

1. Do not give holy things to dogs or cast your pearls before the swine (Matthew 7:6).
2. Do not become one with them or fellowship with them (2 John 10; 2 Corinthians 6:14-16). We are the light. Our forgiving of the offenses of those of darkness should not lead us to share in their darkness.
3. Do not rely on them but be wise as serpent (Matthew 10:16) 

FOR BELIEVERS 

If our offender is a fellow believer, our first step is still to forgive. The offense must be removed from our heart. In addition, we have a responsibility to watch over his/her soul in love by seeking to help him repent. Jesus gives us a clear guide concerning how to go about this. (Matthew 18:15-17) It is important to note that the purpose of this scripture is NOT to help us decide whether or not to forgive the erring brother/sister but rather to help him/her reconcile with God and also to remove the curse that is already upon him/her. 

It is expected that a genuine Christian will readily admit his/her fault and repent - either by his/her own measure of grace or through the aid of your rebuke. When such happens, we have gained back our brother/sister and that should be the end of the matter. But if the offensive Christian utterly refuses to repent, the the post-forgiveness relationship should be as for unbelievers as already mentioned. 

Evidences of Unforgiveness

On many occasions, we continue to accommodate offense in our hearts while presuming to have forgiven the offender(s). This is a dangerous situation for a Christian to be in. Let us look at some of the tell-tale marks of unforgiveness. 

1. Being selective about forgiving. It is not uncommon to hear a grieved person say, "I have forgiven him everything except...". 

Whenever such is the case, it is clear that there has been no forgiveness at all. Forgiveness cannot be partial. Regardless of the depth and nature of the offense, we must forgive totally. 

2. Being deliberately slow in forgiving so as to prolong the period of suffering of the offender. On many occasions, the curse on offenders begin to manifest visibly soon after the offense, and mature believers are quick to discern this. One of the gimmicks employed include repeated calling for "peace meetings" or claiming "I am still praying about it". All these point to evil heart of unforgiveness on the part of the offended person. Beware! 

3. Telling everybody who cares to listen what the offender has done, even after claiming that we have forgiven the person. What is the purpose of the broadcast? From what heart is it issuing out? 

4. In some other situations, there seems to have been true forgiveness of the offense of a fellow believer who has repented but then we refuse to give him/her another opportunity in the future. We "bench him" in church or ministry. Effectively, we treat him like the heathen even after claiming to have received him/her back as a brother/sister. We will do well to learn from our Lord who forgave Peter's grave sins and went ahead to put him in charge of the church. Sometimes, it gets as bad as distancing ourselves from the person and refusing to restore fellowship. 

5. Refusing to help him/her next time he/she is in trouble. Perhaps the previous offense came because he/she abused or exploited your generosity. You now feel that the solution is to withdraw good from him/her. Such attitude is contrary to Christ's will for brotherliness. A repentant believer must be fully and unreservedly restored. Never punish a brother for his past live. 

6. Not being happy about good things happening to him/her. We claim to have forgiven, but somehow we feel that such a one who had missed it before is automatically unqualified for God's full blessings. We may tolerate mercy drops of goodness for him/her but we resent it when God decides to pour great showers on him who troubled us before. The elder brother in the story of the prodigal son was such a person. (Luke 15:28-34). How about you? 

Consequences of Unforgiveness

1. Missing out on God's forgiveness. 

The first consequence is suffered by the offended party and not by the offender. 

> Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 

So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. Matthew 18: 34-35 (KJV)

I believe it is too costly for a Christian to forfeit God's forgiveness on account of his handling of another person especially when that other person is already under God's curse at any rate. Be wise and be obedient to God. Forgive! 

2. The second consequence of unforgiveness is visited on the offender. 

There is no doubt that whoever causes offense is under grave danger for God Himself will be against him/her. Two things are needed to save him/her - (a) repentance towards God and (b) release by the offended party, if a Christian. 

Our concern for now is about the continuing misery of an offender whose iniquity the offended Christian refuses to forgive. Let the self-righteous unforgiving believer remember that his/her authority is under the sovereignty of God. If the offender repents, God may also overrule the believer's authority and deliver the offender. At any rate, what manner of Christian can one be to intentionally refuse to forgive the sins of others? Let us all take heed to ourselves. 

May the grace of the Lord abound towards us all. Amen. 

Rev. Fikayo Adeyemo